Dangers of Endearment!

HoldDearThere’ve been things and there’ve been traits that I’ve held really close to my heart. I’ve seen them slide away right in front of my eyes. It hurts you when you lose something that you treasure.

And I learnt from it.

What exactly? Well, initially that I should stop holding anything so dear to me.¬† That this world is only temporary and nothing is going to last forever, so why endear something so much when we know it won’t last. .. why cause all that hurt due to these attachments.

And then I saw myself changing as a result of this new attitude… There was a contentment with just about everything, any gain or loss… also a feeling of alienation, that consequently brought¬† a certain gloominess and also emptiness in the whole picture… and then ofcourse as always some events take place, leaving behind a series of lessons that particularly threw some clear light on the emptiness, and I realized I needed to revisit the lessons derived from what I deduced.

Even though things don’t last.. even though I would hold something close and it’ll go away…. I am still prepared to hold it close because I realize now the pleasure in holding something dear is unparallelled to the pain of losing it.

And though I’ll be hurt because the pleasure won’t last, but then so will the pain!

If this world is actually so transient then I won’t be hurt forever. The hurt won’t last. And I am happier with this new derivation…. I am again pleased to hold close. I am pleased to stay ignorant while I am actually a little more aware.

And I like it.

It has taken away the gloominess and the emptiness from this evanescence.

It has lit it up.

It has ornate it with the beauty of love that for how ever long its lasts, fills up the air in its aroma. And even when it leaves, leaves behind the fragrance of beautiful memories and joyful moments alive.

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Do it anyway: Reminder

I absolutely loved a quote from Mother Teresa, so I posted it on my blog immediately last night… I read it and felt as if she said it for me; and said it for me to be read on this particular day.. It happens with me quite a lot actually..I get the answers to those questions that, though are unasked even in my head, but they are creating certain nuisances within me. So reading it worked as a reminder; one that is to solidify my raw and fluid thought which was refusing to take any particular shape.

We do good sometimes, good for others, aware of the fact that they don’t know and they may never find out, yet we do it. Sometimes it hurts not receiving any acknowledgement from the other end, yet we continue; sometimes the credit reaches someone else, and we are standing in a corner hoping the recipient would clarify and put us forward, but ofcourse that does not happen, and we still continue after all.. why?… even though our outer, oh so strong self may not recognize, but I think we have a subconscious that is not in any oblivion to the perpetual presence of a Being.

We do good, we expect good in return…and then we are hurt and disappointed ..so I ‘ve been telling myself over and over lately that expect good in return, but only from God…He will not wrong anyone…He is the only One who can redeem…our reward is with our God.

So, we need to absorb this fact first that people are not going to acknowledge…they may sometime coincidentally… do good to these people for your God.

But then I feel there is slight bitterness attached to this lesson…and thats where capacities come into play…the lesson above that I tried to absorb has to go in conjunction with another realization. That people are not mean by nature..thats not why they do not acknowledge… I don’t want to expend all my energies trying to misjudge their intentions, because its true they are not evil…we just have to satisfy ourselves on that one… that we are inherently incapable of coming up to people’s expectations..No matter what we do, we always fall short, because of our limited capacity, not because we intended not to.

The two feelings need to go hand in hand..we won’t be disappointed, we’ll know our rewards sits with God.. so, we’ll keep doing good, without expecting any favors or acknowledgements from men…but remember, not because they are mean, but because we, including very much myself, are incapable of giving any reward, despite the determination that we keep.

We are born, and we die; just like that we expect from others and just like that we do not always come up to people’s expectations… thats just our story… I am going to keep that in mind.. for my own peace … and to remember that if one does not acknowledge, s/he is not bad, they just fall short, because thats how we are..

So this generalized trait of us, is not anymore going to keep me from doing any good that I somehow want to do… I’ll do it anyway :)