and then we start teaching him, little by little.. about whats appropriate and whats inappropriate, about what is right and whats wrong, and about what is to be said and how, and what not and how not!
Who decides what is appropriate anyway?..or whats right. In case of that child, our threshold for honesty decides things for him…we may be strong proponents of wanting to hear nothing but the truth…but the truth is that there is only a degree of honesty that we can swallow and digest…and that is when we start categorizing things as appropriate and inappropriate for ourselves and our kids ..and we manage to narrow down their potential horizon to our own level..
we teach them morals, ethics, politics…we try to teach them to be perfect…they spend their lives in that same complex trying to learn to be perfect..only to find out in the end that they are nothing close to perfect…they are only who they are…and then this other search starts!
Its impressive to see kids talk about things out of nowhere…that reflects the person in them… I said impressive because we, being non-kids, are incapable of doing that…so much in the fear of truth and the rest in the fear of society.
On another slightly different note, I totally understand how parents have to start telling their kids how to behave in certain kind of setting…but to be honest somehow it doesn’t come across as the most wonderful idea to me, on the contrary, when we tell them to not say something, and when a kid has to think twice about what he has to say or should he say this because he has had a conversation about whats appropriate and whats not… i think that it has a bearing on their confidence and their questioning abilities…where your questioning abilities really are half your knowledge and intelligence….and your confidence reflects in your beliefs and in the translation of the knowledge you gain… and I think when we tell kids about appropriateness, they start to move along conformity…they tend to understand a situation more than question it.
I am not a parent so I cant understand parents’ position, or suggest anything from an expert point of view, but I have been a kid of the kind who has been conscious of appropriateness… I always felt myself questioning myself only, and thinking a few times before saying something, while the world had moved on to the next subject already….I am in my mid twenties now…and it has taken a lot of effort to try and lower down the voice of appropriateness in my head… although I understand the importance of it, given we are a part of this society and we must know the ethics of being in one… but IF we are so ethical, morally correct and on a good behavior with others generally, then our children will automatically learn to be that way…then why worry!
So let your kids speak their heart out; their heads shouldn’t have moral police sirens ringing in them all the time, drowning down their real inner voice…always stuck between the rights and wrongs of it…I don’t want that they realize after time has passed that they should’ve taken some action instead of sitting there thinking if this is right or wrong …
If anything, lets try measuring the degree of honesty we can take…If anything, lets do some ‘work out’ to redefine our threshold level.