Purity of a child!

A child is so pure by nature…he is not touched by any societal traits and conditions yet… he is more of pure than human…

and then we start teaching him, little by little.. about whats appropriate and whats inappropriate, about what is right and whats wrong, and about what is to be said and how, and what not and how not!

Who decides what is appropriate anyway?..or whats right. In case of that child, our threshold for honesty decides things for him…we may be strong proponents of wanting to hear nothing but the truth…but the truth is that there is only a degree of honesty that we can swallow and digest…and that is when we start categorizing things as appropriate and inappropriate for ourselves and our kids ..and  we manage to narrow down their potential horizon to our own level..

we teach them morals, ethics, politics…we try to teach them to be perfect…they spend their lives in that same complex trying to learn to be perfect..only to find out in the end that they are nothing close to perfect…they are only who they are…and then this other search starts!

Its impressive to see kids talk about things out of nowhere…that reflects the person in them… I said impressive because we, being non-kids, are incapable of doing that…so much in the fear of truth  and the rest in the fear of society.

On another slightly different note, I totally understand how parents have to start telling their kids how to behave in certain kind of setting…but to be honest somehow it doesn’t come across as the most wonderful idea to me, on the contrary,  when we tell them to not say something, and when a kid has to think twice about what he has to say or should he say this because he has had a conversation about whats appropriate and whats not… i think that it has a bearing on their confidence and their questioning abilities…where your questioning abilities really are half your knowledge and intelligence….and your confidence reflects in your beliefs and in the translation of the knowledge you gain… and I think when we tell kids about appropriateness, they start to move along conformity…they tend to understand a situation more than question it.
I am not a parent so I cant understand parents’ position, or suggest anything from an expert point of view, but I have been a kid of the kind who has been conscious of appropriateness… I always felt myself questioning myself only, and thinking a few times before saying something, while the world had moved on to the next subject already….I am in my mid twenties now…and it has taken a lot of effort to try and lower down the voice of appropriateness in my head… although I understand the importance of it, given we are a part of this society and we must know the ethics of being in one… but IF we are so ethical, morally correct and on a good behavior with others generally, then our children will automatically learn to be that way…then why worry!

So let your kids speak their heart out; their heads shouldn’t have moral police sirens ringing in them all the time, drowning down their real inner voice…always stuck between the rights and wrongs of it…I don’t want that they realize after time has passed that they should’ve taken some action instead of sitting there thinking if this is right or wrong …

If anything, lets try measuring the degree of honesty we can take…If anything, lets do some ‘work out’ to redefine our threshold level.

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Karma? or is it just how friendship is?

A really good friend had been going through some problem for a while… couldn’t work up the courage to tell to some very important people… It’s something she couldn’t keep avoiding for life too, because some action had to be taken, and she had to initiate the process all by herself, hoping things may take a turn in her favor automatically,knowing they won’t. I know how hard it has been for her, taking it all alone..without any support by her side to confront all those who matter. On and off, she’d be sharing with me, and keep getting advice from me…but a few days earlier I refused to give in to her fears anymore, so I pushed her into it, outlining the whole plan, she agreed because she knew deep (and shallow) inside that this is the right thing…. right time, there never was!… So I kept texting over the weekend to keep her in the now-or-never ( and ‘never’ being not even an option) frame of mind that its time! and to give her all the support in my capacity… Turned out, she spoke up, and some heard, if not all, but she did initiate a process that could change things for her, she took life in her hands, and I am proud of her…

I received a thank you text today for the twentieth time since then..enough already woman, with my hero self smiling all the way…but this time she also said that this step meant more than just saying something, it meant courage which she thinks is beginning to develop now. Excited I  told her to just thank God, she needed help, HE sent it…where I am just glad I was a part of this process, He chose me to be of use, and that too to someone like her….  and why did I say someone like her? I thought about it immediately…and here s my little story.

I had always been into singing, alot of people around me would tell me I sang really good, out of whom, ofcourse family is to be ignored they exaggerate, friends, split into two categories: one, those who appreciated and said I sang great were always ignored because they…what?..  exaggerate…  good!… two, those who would make fun of my singing, for either my choice of songs, or the ability…they were the real friends, because they said what others couldn’t, they made me feel not-so-good-enough for a change, and without noticing got hold of my weak point,  to break free of what I needed courage…. some three years passed and I met a person who I could have those fun light positive chats with, and who one’d like to meet more often…so this new friend being a recognized musician at college, randomly not just encouraged me but pushed for the auditions of some classical singing event taking place…and I agreed because deep (and shallow) inside me I knew this is what I wanted, it was already senior year, I knew it was now or never (and ‘never’ not being an option ), I went for it…and I still remember the night of the event, the audience cheering and giving a round of applause for…me…my singing…WOW… you know whats WOW-er, the audience included all the people who once would make fun of my singing :)… that right there gave me a moment of realization: that I have to perform my bit in this world, that others are just an audience, ready to condemn at some point, ready to appreciate at another, but I have to do my bit, there is no running away.  And an even bigger realization that God  sends help through some people, who push you across your boundary of fear, and on the other side of that boundary courage is waiting to meet you.

Once, I was on this side of that boundary, and my friend pushed me…and now she was on this side…and I am so lucky that I lead someone like her on to that other side.

Would you call it karma? …. may be its just friendship!…What do you think?

Do it anyway: Reminder

I absolutely loved a quote from Mother Teresa, so I posted it on my blog immediately last night… I read it and felt as if she said it for me; and said it for me to be read on this particular day.. It happens with me quite a lot actually..I get the answers to those questions that, though are unasked even in my head, but they are creating certain nuisances within me. So reading it worked as a reminder; one that is to solidify my raw and fluid thought which was refusing to take any particular shape.

We do good sometimes, good for others, aware of the fact that they don’t know and they may never find out, yet we do it. Sometimes it hurts not receiving any acknowledgement from the other end, yet we continue; sometimes the credit reaches someone else, and we are standing in a corner hoping the recipient would clarify and put us forward, but ofcourse that does not happen, and we still continue after all.. why?… even though our outer, oh so strong self may not recognize, but I think we have a subconscious that is not in any oblivion to the perpetual presence of a Being.

We do good, we expect good in return…and then we are hurt and disappointed ..so I ‘ve been telling myself over and over lately that expect good in return, but only from God…He will not wrong anyone…He is the only One who can redeem…our reward is with our God.

So, we need to absorb this fact first that people are not going to acknowledge…they may sometime coincidentally… do good to these people for your God.

But then I feel there is slight bitterness attached to this lesson…and thats where capacities come into play…the lesson above that I tried to absorb has to go in conjunction with another realization. That people are not mean by nature..thats not why they do not acknowledge… I don’t want to expend all my energies trying to misjudge their intentions, because its true they are not evil…we just have to satisfy ourselves on that one… that we are inherently incapable of coming up to people’s expectations..No matter what we do, we always fall short, because of our limited capacity, not because we intended not to.

The two feelings need to go hand in hand..we won’t be disappointed, we’ll know our rewards sits with God.. so, we’ll keep doing good, without expecting any favors or acknowledgements from men…but remember, not because they are mean, but because we, including very much myself, are incapable of giving any reward, despite the determination that we keep.

We are born, and we die; just like that we expect from others and just like that we do not always come up to people’s expectations… thats just our story… I am going to keep that in mind.. for my own peace … and to remember that if one does not acknowledge, s/he is not bad, they just fall short, because thats how we are..

So this generalized trait of us, is not anymore going to keep me from doing any good that I somehow want to do… I’ll do it anyway :)

Do it anyway: She said and I quote

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.
― Mother Teresa

Some Complain I don’t Share…

The most common complaint about me I’ve heard from people around me, among my friends, among family, among guys who showed interest in me, has always been that I don’t tell. I don’t share anything/ much / enough with them. Vexed, they’d be with it.

Ironic however is that, whenever I shared they didnt hear me out. Either they wouldnt hear it, or they wouldnt like what I told. Fact is they didnt want to hear what I told them. Its one of those instances when I’d realize I should listen to my heart…when I had it figured I can’t share with them, then why would I give in to their constant probing?

Now when I am thinking I realized anyone who really heard me when I shared has never complained about my not-talking-about-me behavior. Obviously why would they, I talked to them.  So may be its true then they didnt complain because I did talk to them. And those who complained, hell yes, they are so right, I don’t tell them…their complaints are bang on!!… I don’t share anything worth sharing with them!!

So may be good idea would be to stop asking me and stop complaining, thats definitely not going to make me talk.. may be we are different people, you like to talk about different things. I cannot connect with you because what I have to say is not agreeable with you…

I am glad I wrote this, more than anything, its meant to tell me something…make me understand that I truly don’t share with these people, their complaints are right… But sadly I am not going to  talk, just to please any of them, or make them feel connected to me…Not anymore..I ve erased it out of my job description as a person at free will… I do not make connections…atleast not anymore.

People have been extremely nice to me throughout, I thank them for that, and may be I’d do something else other than thanking them, like be nice in return or better yet pass a smile :)…you know what its all bull shit, knowing me,  if its ever in my capacity I’d do much more for people, but I am not going to talk, for them, and entertain them..

unless ofcourse, if any of those people read my posts and try finding out what all I am talking about these days :p

Time to learn…if I don’t talk to them then there is no point wasting any time, is there?…

They say take it easy

When I am asking too many questions, they say take life easy… sometimes its really annoying, because it hardly answers any questions….But the truth is that just the very thought of a life taken easy, it makes me happy, brings a smile on my lips… I feel its all easy, all okay …and I feel that hope inside me awaking from its long slumber… giving me a reason to smile.. to smile without a reason… the hope of happiness… the feeling of never been hurt…the hope of deriving happiness even from hurt …the hope of going beyond needing appreciation…of being above gaining sympathy, above asking for justice …of beyond giving justification for being what I am…hope of living a life that I want to live…of knowing how I want to live…knowing what I want to be… of not knowing and moving on and on without looking back….of freeing my soul of all the chains clutching, hindering its flight… hope of wanting to be what I truly am…. of letting me free… hope of wanting!..

shades!

Its amazing how you feel quite a few different things at the same time… they call it feelings, emotions, they call it life…amazing how you see a bit of black and a bit of white at the very same time…such opposites, both having their very own distinct characteristics; amazing how you see them together, blending. And you can’t seem to decide which part of what you see is more dominant, more powerful and having more effect on you…which part do you want to see…which part is actually true…and which is right for you to see…black or white.

Amazing how many times I’ve heard about those shades of grey, and I’ve called it feelings, emotions, and I’ve called it life…and amazing how I’ve always justified the presence of those shades ..and what convenience these shades have caused me in describing my mixed feelings at times, and in justifying my confused states at times..

But right now I am adamant to not see them.. its either black or white… I just want to know which one!