Some Complain I don’t Share…

The most common complaint about me I’ve heard from people around me, among my friends, among family, among guys who showed interest in me, has always been that I don’t tell. I don’t share anything/ much / enough with them. Vexed, they’d be with it.

Ironic however is that, whenever I shared they didnt hear me out. Either they wouldnt hear it, or they wouldnt like what I told. Fact is they didnt want to hear what I told them. Its one of those instances when I’d realize I should listen to my heart…when I had it figured I can’t share with them, then why would I give in to their constant probing?

Now when I am thinking I realized anyone who really heard me when I shared has never complained about my not-talking-about-me behavior. Obviously why would they, I talked to them.  So may be its true then they didnt complain because I did talk to them. And those who complained, hell yes, they are so right, I don’t tell them…their complaints are bang on!!… I don’t share anything worth sharing with them!!

So may be good idea would be to stop asking me and stop complaining, thats definitely not going to make me talk.. may be we are different people, you like to talk about different things. I cannot connect with you because what I have to say is not agreeable with you…

I am glad I wrote this, more than anything, its meant to tell me something…make me understand that I truly don’t share with these people, their complaints are right… But sadly I am not going to  talk, just to please any of them, or make them feel connected to me…Not anymore..I ve erased it out of my job description as a person at free will… I do not make connections…atleast not anymore.

People have been extremely nice to me throughout, I thank them for that, and may be I’d do something else other than thanking them, like be nice in return or better yet pass a smile :)…you know what its all bull shit, knowing me,  if its ever in my capacity I’d do much more for people, but I am not going to talk, for them, and entertain them..

unless ofcourse, if any of those people read my posts and try finding out what all I am talking about these days :p

Time to learn…if I don’t talk to them then there is no point wasting any time, is there?…

They say take it easy

When I am asking too many questions, they say take life easy… sometimes its really annoying, because it hardly answers any questions….But the truth is that just the very thought of a life taken easy, it makes me happy, brings a smile on my lips… I feel its all easy, all okay …and I feel that hope inside me awaking from its long slumber… giving me a reason to smile.. to smile without a reason… the hope of happiness… the feeling of never been hurt…the hope of deriving happiness even from hurt …the hope of going beyond needing appreciation…of being above gaining sympathy, above asking for justice …of beyond giving justification for being what I am…hope of living a life that I want to live…of knowing how I want to live…knowing what I want to be… of not knowing and moving on and on without looking back….of freeing my soul of all the chains clutching, hindering its flight… hope of wanting to be what I truly am…. of letting me free… hope of wanting!..

shades!

Its amazing how you feel quite a few different things at the same time… they call it feelings, emotions, they call it life…amazing how you see a bit of black and a bit of white at the very same time…such opposites, both having their very own distinct characteristics; amazing how you see them together, blending. And you can’t seem to decide which part of what you see is more dominant, more powerful and having more effect on you…which part do you want to see…which part is actually true…and which is right for you to see…black or white.

Amazing how many times I’ve heard about those shades of grey, and I’ve called it feelings, emotions, and I’ve called it life…and amazing how I’ve always justified the presence of those shades ..and what convenience these shades have caused me in describing my mixed feelings at times, and in justifying my confused states at times..

But right now I am adamant to not see them.. its either black or white… I just want to know which one!

The Beggar..

I am sitting on a swing on a beautiful morning, surrounded by the green and the chirping, with a fresh breeze blowing over my face… There! I wouldn’t have asked for more.. I have been getting more and more comfortable with myself, which I believe is the hard part, and more at ease with the loner inside me… I started to crave for a little time and company with myself…just outside of the cheers surrounding me… And I am there now… its all perfect..

But here I am.. wanting something more.. I wouldn’t let this side have a conversation with me…because it tells me I want more…it keeps wanting more than I have…someone, something, the description of which is beyond my expression…

But I don’t want to hear this part of me calling out…crying out like a baby…urging for something… like a beggar.. with a lot of self respect and ego….because it won’t beg before others, neither would it like to ask of them… It’ll just push me into this agony…it’ll only beg me..beg me of something I don’t have…I can’t give it something that does not belong to me by any means..

And then I ask to be saved… saved from this fire that’s been burning forever… inside of me….i feel its my vices I am giving voice to… paying such respect and heed to.. They say this could be heaven and this could be your hell… They may just be right!

– by Vasavi Kumar

1. Your physical, mental, and emotional well-being.The fact is that your well-being is the foundation of your success. When your physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional needs are met, you will thrive.

2. A healthy relationship with yourself.When you become your own best friend, you no longer need the approval of everyone around you. Because at the end of the day when you can say “I love you, and I honor you, and I respect you” to YOU, then you can do, be, and have anything that you want.

3. The way that you speak to yourself.Your life is a reflection of the conversation that you are having with yourself. Transform the conversation you are having with yourself, transform your life. Period.

4. A clean and uncluttered living space.Your home, office, and car speaks volumes. Clutter is negative energy and will stop the flow of abundance into your life. Regardless of how big or small, you deserve to enter into a space that fills you up and gives you peace of mind.

5. Keeping your word to yourself and others.The highest level of integrity is achieved when you keep your word to yourself and to others. Your word is all that you have, it is what defines your credibility, or lack thereof.

6. Associating with positive people. “Tell me who your friends are and I’ll tell you who you are.” The company that you keep has a direct affect on how what you think and what you do. Remember that your space is sacred and who you allow into your space is crucial to your happiness and success.

7. Your values.What matters the most to you? Love, joy, compassion, relationships? When you are clear on what you value and you live your life according to those values you are…unshakeable.

8. Living debt-free.Having debt is like walking around with a ton of bricks on your shoulders. Take a look at what you are spending your money on. Are you living from paycheck to paycheck? Are your purchases needs or wants? Learning to be financially responsible to is one of the biggest gifts you can give to yourself.

9. Having fun.As children fun was non-negotiable. As children we could make anything fun!!! Often times we think we need to accomplish a huge goal to have fun. But having fun is as important, if not more than working hard (or smart)

10. Giving yourself permission to dream big and DO big.The best things in life are free….starting with your imagination. Give yourself the permission to envision a life so wild and fabulous that even you get goosebumps thinking about it. The only thing in between your dream and reality is your commitment to take action.

 

like two pieces of flesh

like two pieces of flesh joint together …

elastic and stretching when separating…

stuck together for long..

hurting the whole time stretching…

but then sometime later…they part altogether…

the connection is lost totally, due to friction… the surface is healed..

but they collide sometime later…

theres nothing connected..

nothing attached

just a little pang from collision..

a slight vibration to the core….not really painful!

All That Jazz- by Raza Illahe

All that jazz in your life,appreciate

As nothing lasts forever, neither its meant to be

While mortality hangs on your shoulder

Make the best of your days here

This is your heaven, this could be your hell

You just create your own universe wherever you dwell

Regardless how oblivious you remain

Time still would fly ; it awaits none

Like a flying falcon

having no interest in earth bound creatures

out of reach and quickly out of sight