Sometimes we hear something and we instantly need proof. ..visual or verbal…may be testimony by another…I wonder what it does..does it improve the situation?… does it make the situation more authentic for me to be able to comment now?..because really, i m sure things were not waiting for my comment to happen, it may not add anything extra in my life either.
There’d be times when I saw something and I had to hear an account of it from them to reconcile with my vision…what if what I heard after seeing didn’t satisfy me, what if they lie… I am sure I’d still want to hear… As if that would change anything…change the way I’d feel.
I see myself seeing and hearing and then making sense of it all… I see everything going in favour of what I see…going against me!..some going in accordance with what I felt, a part of it going against how I feel.
This makes me ponder on which part of me is really me! My eyes, my ears, my instincts, my feeling, my emotions, my thoughts , my intellect. I see all of them defy eachother..defy me!
But what do I mean by me? my hands that are writing, or my mouth that is saying the words while I write. I know this has to be more and greater than just these two…something that has likes and dislikes, something that is not the captive of must and must nots, something that can think way beyond right or wrong.
Something that connects with whats invisible to the eye, inaudible to the ear, something that is not felt by my touch, something that is awake when my body and my brain and my conscience are asleep.
Something in me that sees beyond the horizons , that hears beyond the silence, that talks in me beyond words… that thinks beyond my ideas, that feels beyond my senses….something that laughs roaringly, endlessly!..that cries beyond the last tear drop in my eye.
something that cares beyond I can imagine, nurtures beyond the capacity of a mother, loves beyond what describes love.
Something that shakes the inside of me…and tells me its not me…and that its not me!!
Something that is me…..